Pitty party
As I wait for my face cream to dry up so I can put my mask back on, I realize how lonely I feel. There is absolutely no one I want to talk to or who wants to talk to me. I haven't felt this lonely in ages. I have friends and loved ones. But I keep thinking that they're just sick of me, telling the same old jokes, getting sad over the same old things, being the same old me: boring, unoriginal, depressed and anxious. I haven't really understood how depressed I was until recently. It was the lexi episode in euphoria and as zendaya was talking about how she was looking at her life from above I felt that. And found out that it wasn't healthy? I used to make up stories in my head. I thought of myself in third person. I had this image of a life that wasn't mine but I kind of wanted to live it. It wasn't a happy story, I was always the passive, victimized damsel in distress kind of protagonist. And I don't think I made up happy endings or any kind of endings for it....