Within Emptiness

Naked, I stand in front of the mirror, I try to look at my stomach that is not flat anymore and my breasts that are the biggest they've ever been, my neck that is reddish because of something I'm not sure of, I look at the new stretch marks I've gained, through getting fat. None of my fucking pants fit anymore and in this moment, I feel that's okay.  I like my upper body, I've always had. I like my skinny shoulders and my tall and pale neck.  There is something empowering about being naked. Like I don't have to cover up my secrets anymore, I can look at myself and feel that I am human, I am a sexual being, and my skin does a perfect job of covering my flesh and bones. For so long I have been ashamed of being human, I have thought that my worth was chained to my niceness or perfectness, I have thought that I alone, have to be held at a higher standard in order to deserve being happy. It's been so hard being nice to myself. Believing that I matter, just becaus...

It's cool that you have a place to chill and forget about everything that stresses you out, but the thing is I don't have such a place. I thought you were my safe place and you were, for a while. I'm not sure what changed. Once you were my happy place But now that it's clear that I'm not yours, I don't feel safe anymore. I don't even feel happy anymore. I just am, I merely exist and all I want is to live the reality of my life, which by the way, is that I am utterly alone. I thought you were what I always wanted, and I don't know what changed, but I want more, I want to stop feeling alone, stop worrying about pissing you off and for once, think about my self. I'm so sick and tired of merely existing to please others. I'm just so tired. I can feel my life leaking out of my skin, I feel worthless and stupid. All I want to be is alone, in a bath that's filled with fog, I want to be in a state of ignorance I feel ugly, fat and useless, I think I...